[attr="class","backgmin"]

[attr="class","lyric1min"]facing forward

[attr="class","lyricbgmin"]

[attr="class","lyric2min"]I've got a good mother
And her voice is what keeps me here
Feet on ground, Heart in hand

[attr="class","textbodmin"]Cal was back home... and for some reason, he couldn't feel happy about it.

Well, not for some reason. He knew exactly why this was. But Cal hated to think about it, because the longer he thought about it, the more it really set in. And he knew that ignoring it wouldn't make it go away... but as long as he didn't really have to face it, then maybe a part of him could be at peace. That was... far from his smartest thinking. It was part of the whole internal conflict Cal had going on for him - one of the lovely side effects of surviving the flu from hell with everything but his magic intact. And there it was again. The reminder popping in every once in a while that - yes, he was in fact missing a whole part of himself. A part that had been so much of who he was. Even though Cal knew it could be worse, that he could have been like Delilah and practically unable to do her job alone. At least he could still go to school, once Lufkin started up again, and he could still be useful at work.

And yet, that was doing nothing to ease his nerves. Because as much as he tried and tried to search for a silver lining, tried to convince himself that at least it could be worse, it didn't change anything. He had lost his magic. It was something that was just... a part of him. Literally, a part of him. Something that he and Lyla had had together throughout all of their years at Hogwarts. Something that helped define him as a Graves, because of course he was good at magic. But now that was all gone... and because of a stupid cold, of all things. Something he would have usually worked through, lasting a few days, had taken up a whole month of his life. It had put everything on hold. And as much as Cal had tried to keep it together, to put on a smile and say that everything would be just fine... it really wasn't just fine. It was so far from fine. Everything was horrible and terrifying. Life had looked at all of his plans, all of his hopes and dreams, and simply stomped on it all with a laugh.

Another part of Cal hated himself for feeling this way. For somehow getting it into his head that he was half a person just because he had lost his magic. He knew there was more to him than that. Magic was just something he was born with - there was so much more about him that he had earned. Magic or not, Cal knew his worth. He had to know his worth. And yet, it got to him. It demoralized him in a way that he wouldn't have imagined and a way that he really didn't want to show off. Because between Cordelia being only a couple months away and Ella's miscarriage... his problems were minor. Very minor. So Cal had to just get over it.

It could be worse.

Cal let out a sigh and shook his head at himself before taking another sip of his coffee. It was early. Much earlier than he usually got up, even though he wasn't set to return to work until Monday. And he hadn't even gotten a chance to start his classes at Lufkin... but he hadn't been able to sleep any longer. Everything was just getting to him, and he had buried it for so long that sleep just didn't feel like it would be coming all that easily. So Cal had decided it would be better to just make use of his insomnia and actually be productive. He had a cup of coffee and one of his economics textbooks open in front of him. Brand new, hardly touched, yet to be needed - but Cal knew the moment he gave up on that degree would be the moment it was truly over. So at least he could start getting ahead. The kitchen was completely silent at this hour, which was why the sound of footsteps caused Cal to perk up in an instant. He turned towards the sound, his eyes landing on... "Mum. Why are you up so early?" he asked, realizing what a dumb question that was as soon as it left his mouth. Why was he up this early, after all.

@olivia | 742 words | outfit (without bag)

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF GS + WW

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facing forward

be yourself

I've never wanted anything so bad

She was worried about them. All of them. She was worried about her family, and Olivia knew that she was always worried, but this time was different. This was days spent going to the hospital every night. This was hours curled up on Beckett’s bed. With Anderson laying on his father’s legs. Her arm wrapped around Cordelia. Eyes on Cal. She was worried. She was still worried, and she had them home. They weren’t going anywhere any time soon, and she knew that Beckett was going to fight her on that one. He was going to tell her that she was the one that needed to relax, and he was probably right, but she couldn’t. Olivia wasn’t going to be able to relax. She ran the legal department, for a country that was in a state that they had never seen coming, and that they couldn’t see a logical way out of.

There was no end to this mess. They didn’t have any answers. And she wasn’t in a position to stop worrying. She was a mother. And she was a wife. And she was seven months pregnant, and she couldn’t focus on anything except for the fact that she wasn’t doing enough. There had to be more that they could do. There had to be something. Part of her wanted to ask her father to dig into it. She wanted to see what Reginald Drake could turn up. Because she wasn’t convinced that there wasn’t something horrible behind all of this. Olivia Drake had been a National Security lawyer for years. She knew how things like this happened. She knew that they were going to have to look harder. Because Olivia Drake had done that. And Olivia Graves was doing this.

She was going to figure it out. She was going to hope that the healers came up with answers. That they were going to turn up something. That they were going to uncover the root of all of this, and they were going to fix it. Because she knew that she couldn’t begin to understand. She hadn’t gotten sick. She hadn’t lost her magic. She was okay. And that wasn’t fair. She and Odelia hadn’t been touched. Lyla hadn’t been touched. Anderson was fine. Cordelia… Her hand pressed against the swell of her abdomen that was her daughter. She was scared. Olivia could admit, in the dark of the night, when no one else was awake yet, that she was scared. And grateful. And she hated herself a little bit for that. Because she knew what her niece had lost. She knew that Ella was going to hurt forever. And she couldn’t bring herself to go see her.

She couldn’t do that. The red head loved the girl. But she knew that that wasn’t fair. That that was something that she was going to try not to do. She wasn’t using magic here at home. She wasn’t going to go and hug Ella. She couldn’t. Because she was guilty. There was a guilt that she couldn’t explain. And she didn’t know how to reconcile herself to that. That she was okay. And they had all lost so much.

Guilty. Worried. Stressed. Olivia felt it all.

Luckily, she had Beckett back now. She couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t been able to sleep in weeks. Not enough. There were glamours covering the bags under her eyes. Potions that were making sure that Cordelia was getting everything that she needed. Because Olivia hadn’t spent that long away from Beckett in twenty-one years. It was never more than a couple nights, if one of them had had to go away on business. Two, maybe three nights. Never more than that. And it had been weeks. Weeks of sleeping alone. Weeks of the other side of the bed being cold.

Sighing, Olivia climbed out of bed, and pulled her sweater over her head. She couldn’t sleep. She still couldn’t sleep. Even with him back beside her. She had too much on her mind. She was too worried. Instead, the witch made her way down to the kitchen. Odelia always said that tea helped, and right now, she thought that a little tea, or even warmed cider, might help. What she hadn’t been expecting in the least, was to find her son in the kitchen. “Cal.” Her eyes were wide for a moment and then she shook her head, “The better question is why are you?” Moving towards him she kissed his forehead, her lips lingering just long enough on his skin to make sure that the fever hadn’t come back. “Do you want some tea, or cider, or something?” She brushed the hair from his forehead as she looked down at him, still her baby, even now.

@ baby • 793 • olivia's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0

[attr="class","backgmin"]

[attr="class","lyric1min"]facing forward

[attr="class","lyricbgmin"]

[attr="class","lyric2min"]I'VE GOT A GOOD MOTHER
AND HER VOICE IS WHAT KEEPS ME HERE
FEET ON GROUND, HEART IN HAND

[attr="class","textbodmin"]Cal was used to having solutions. He knew how to just... do things. Or handle things. Even when it seemed hopeless, there usually was a way out. A loophole. Cal was good at finding that. At navigating his way around just about anything. No problem was too large. Cal could spend hours on one single Arithmancy problem, where most students would usually just give up and take a zero on the question--because it was the one built to be tougher. But Cal had never been the one to give up on anything, and it wasn't just because his aunt was the Arithmancy professor. That mentality stood out the most when it came to things that Cal really enjoyed, the things he was good at, but it applied to everything he did. Cal didn't stop until things were his way--or, at the very least, some way that was beneficial. As cliché as it might have been, there was a reason people say if there's a will, there's way, and Cal had always had a great deal of will.

But this epidemic had definitely shot that down a notch. Or a few notches.

Cal felt helpless, for the first time in his life. He had no clue what was happening, or why, and this problem--it was far bigger than anything he had ever handled before. This wasn't Aithmancy, or math. He couldn't just stare at it, and manipulate a few things, and just get it right because he knew the theories by heart. Never mind the fact that Cal knew nothing of theories when it came to medicine--he had no clue where to even start with this problem. It was all just... one, big mess. And Cal didn't know where to begin. That was the most frightening part, really. Admitting that he could do nothing about this. Cal wasn't used to this. He was the big brother that always had the answers. And with his father having gotten sick as well, Cal felt like he had some mantle to take over. Which was ridiculous--he knew that no one expected that from him.

Except for Cal. He always expected the most of himself. Cal was the type of person to take on responsibility, even when no one expected him to. It wasn't because he wanted to stand out, or anything, but when it came to family, Cal never hesitated. This, though... this was not something that he could just solve.

Reading an economics textbook before the sun was even up was probably not helping with Cal's nerves about the whole crisis. Really, it was just a reminder that he had yet to start classes--and the reason for that. But there was something calming about focusing on what he was good at. Merlin knew he needed a reminder that he was still good at things, after losing his magic. Obviously, and unsurprisingly, Cal's initial instinct towards seeing his mother up so early was worry--Cordelia was only two months away. Stress was the last thing his unborn sister and his mother needed. But, as usual, Olivia had a comforting effect on him. Cal smiled lightly as she kissed his forehead and let out a small laugh at her question. "You sound like Aunt Odelia," Cal pointed out jokingly. "Although, tea probably would be a lot more calming than coffee at this hour," he admitted.

@ mum | 559 words | outfit (no bag)

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF GS + WW

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facing forward

be yourself

I'VE NEVER WANTED ANYTHING SO BAD

This was her family to worry about, and Olivia thought that if she had excelled at anything in her entire life, it was that. She had been worrying about them from the moment that they had become her family. From the instant that she had known that Cal had existed, she had been worried sick about them. Literally, at first, but then it had ebbed into this dull ache that she carried with her every day. The never knowing if they were all okay. The constant struggle of never really knowing if there was something that they weren’t telling her. Something that she couldn’t fix. Because she knew her children. As much as they liked to think that they could fool her, she knew them. All of them.

They were hers. This was her life, and their lives had come from her own. She had given them life. She had brought them into this world, and she was so proud of them, even now. Even in the midst of all of this mess, she was proud of her family. Of her children, of the way that they were managing to handle all of this. Cal had been braver than she had even hoped for, and she was so proud of him. He and Beckett had gotten sick. They had had to deal with all of this, and she hadn’t quite known what to think of that. She hadn’t been able to do anything at all. And she had been banned from the hospital for a long time. Weeks, on end, that she hadn’t seen either one of them.

She hadn’t slept. Not well. She couldn’t sleep for more than a night or two without Beckett. And pregnant? She had been more restless than she normally would have been. But she was making sure that she held it together. It didn’t matter how tired she got. It didn’t matter how much work she had to do. Here. In this house. She was just their mum. She was just his wife. It didn’t matter who she was out there. It didn’t matter the choices that she made every day. The ones that were keeping the country running while the Minister dealt with the big issues. Olivia was dealing with little fires of her own.

Every time that there was a question about the legality of something. About whether or not they could actually close the borders. About what this meant for the kids that were in Hogwarts. And whether or not people that didn’t go to get checked at one of the hospitals should have been quarantined or fined. Those were all the questions that hit her desk every day before lunch. And she knew that she was the Head of the Legal Department. She knew that she was the highest-ranking lawyer in the government. But she also knew that Isolde could answer some of these questions. That Chris could. Or Nate. Or literally anyone. Even Amy knew some of the answers, and she was only a first-year law student.

Here though, before the sun came up again, before the new day could really take hold, Olivia knew that she was going to have to just let all of that go. Here she was just Mum. She was just Liv. She was their mother. She was Beckett’s wife. And here, that could come first. But she had to hope that they had a handle on it before Cordelia decided to make her appearance in a couple of months. If they didn’t… Well… So much for Maternity Leave. Though, Olivia figured that for her, at this point, Maternity Leave would just mean that Amy was bringing her files to the study here, and not the office at the Ministry.

Unless she had to Olivia didn’t plan on taking more than a week or so to recover. She planned on working from right here, holding her little girl on her shoulder, or in the crook of her leg as she did. “Well, your Aunt Odelia is very smart.” The red headed witch stepped away from her son with a little smile. “And tea smells better than whatever it is that you’re calling coffee in that mug.”

@ baby • 702 • olivia's outfit

MADE BY VEL OF GS + ADOX 2.0